My Heaven of Peace

It was in the year 1950 that I had the good fortune to have the darshan of Mother. News spread in Thripunithara that a yogini had come to Trichur. It was also said that She had a lot of women disciples and Her bhajans created an atmosphere of tremendous spiritual force. Hearing that She had ecstatic moods during bhajan, I had a curiosity to watch, and if possible, to get assistance in my spiritual endeavours. I was at that time fully immersed in Nama Japa and Bhagavatha saptahams. Not a month passed without a saptaham and one or two Akhanda Nama yagnas in which I participated. My chosen deity was Lord Krishna of Guruvayur and I spent many days there in the company of bhaktas who had dedicated their lives to Guruvayurappan. In my early days, I had interest in religious books and lives of saints. I was specially attracted to Sree Ramakrishna literature, especially the lectures of Swami Vivekananda.

I feel that it was this background of a life inclined to spirituality that brought me to the feet of Mother. The heart’s yearning to see a God-realised person was fulfilled the moment I met Mother. She drew me like a magnet and I had no doubt that She was the source of infinite peace, described in the Upanishads. Man wants a haven—a harbour to anchor his ship of life, free from the tossing waves of passion and conflicts. Here, at the feet of this Divine Excellence, my desire attained its fulfilment.

The first long-sought-for sight of Samadhi, which to me appeared to be as rare as the very vision of God, produced a thrill in me, when I saw the beautiful figure of Mother standing like a statue cut in marble. My attention was rivetted to this august and stately figure. Minutes passed, and I could not see any movement in that figure. The atmosphere then became surcharged with a subtle force. I felt that Samadhi was a wonderful state that I should also strive to have.

The energy, enthusiasm and force displayed by Mother at the very mention of Ram Naam are something I cherish in recollection, for the reason, that I was a fervent advocate and worshipper of the divine name. The prem that flowed from Mother was added attraction, because it suggested to me the divine universal love known as ‘Radha Prem’, the summum-bonum of para bhakti. As a humble reader of Bhagavatha, this bhakthi could not fail to draw me. Lastly, the divine moods of Mother, which were a depiction of Lord Krishna’s life at Gokula and Brindavan, made my heart swell with feelings indescribable, and which could be appreciated only by lovers of Bhagavatha.

Thus, I became a humble devotee of Mother. I am sustained by Her Grace and my own prayers that my faith in Her may increase beyond bounds.

–  Sri C. V. Narayana Nambudiri

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