– Kumari J. M. Kantak (1961)
Madam does God exist? If so where is he?” one of the students asked me this question. From my very childhood I had been convinced that not only God does exist but that He is the inner ruler of the countless universes. But we cannot see Him with this mortal vision, so long as our hearts remain coated with impurity.
On that day also when my student asked me the above question, I was not able to answer for half a minute. I tried to answer in a way, which would appeal to him. ‘God exists in the heart of all beings, but he is fully manifest in that man who loves the entire creation as himself.’ My answer kept that boy just quiet, as if he agreed to it, and I too was satisfied with that answer.
Such a holy Being in whom God is manifest in all perfection is Sadguru Sri Rama Devi. To get at least a partial glimpse of the divinity embodied in her is to become perfect ourselves. My parents who were the devotees of Mother and were also the members of the bhaktha mandali, Bombay, had gone on pilgrimage to places like Pandharpur, Madras, Trivandrum and Trichur in connection with religious conferences and other celebrations conducted in honour of Mother. They used to tell me interesting incidents of her bestowal of grace, and naturally I had a great longing to have darsan.
The wheel of destiny turned in my favour and in the year 1952, which was the most memorable year in my life, I had the darsan of Mother. When I first saw her, incidents which my parents used to tell us about her, came up instantaneously before my mind’s eye. The divine splendor, the overflowing grace, indicated her immeasurable greatness. I saw an aura of holiness. Whosoever went near was profoundly influenced. When I sat before her, listening to her, I felt irresistible attraction. She appeared as love incarnate, an inseparable mother to me not only in this life but in the past countless births.
I admit I had not done sadhana as directed during her visit to Bombay. I had to undergo sufferings. In fact, life itself became living death. There was none to sympathise. In such a frame of mind, I remembered Mother’s gracious form and her words of wisdom. At once I experienced peace and solace coming to me from an unknown source. Often I felt her guidance and was encouraged. I longed to spend a few days in the holy presence and waited for the approach of the periodical sadhana mandir session eagerly. But Mother is supremely compassionate. She takes a hundred steps towards the child when the child takes only one. An opportunity presented itself when I heard that she had come to Bangalore. I reached Bangalore on the 10th October 1959. There were crowded programmes of bhajans and discourses by Mother. Though she spoke in Canarese, a language alien to me, her power enabled me to grasp the substance. This is an experience which several of her children shared.
One day I was closeted with her for an interview. Even without my telling her, she divined the state of frustration which had overpowered my mind. Looking intently into my eyes, she said: “Obey your parents. They always mean well for you. Respect their decisions. Misery accrues from the violation of their wishes.” I was shocked to hear this utterance. In a matter of vital importance, I had disregarded my mother’s instructions and had acted according to my whims to gratify my own personal wish. I realized my folly and in a mood of utter repentance I prostrated before the all-knowing. Seeing drops of tears in my eyes welling up, the compassionate Mother, in a tone ringing with sympathy and love consoled me. A load was lifted from my mind. A prayer arose from the depth of my heart.
Tags: GJS#128