THE HAND THAT HOLDS THE LIGHT

-Smt. T. N. K. Nayar.

Twelve years along the path of light!  It is twelve years since the hand that holds the light led me from darkness unto light.

For years I had been in the grip of a nervous disease.  Existence became agony; in extreme stage of mental malady and bodily weakness, I was led to Mother.  The lost child found its Mother!

All through mental troubles, persisted in me the spiritual urge.  Life and all that it stood for, ceased to interest me; growing in me was, however, the inner conviction that abiding happiness was only at the feet of God.  Yet, I groped in darkness, not knowing how or where to seek the Eternal One.

Who can forget the glorious moment when a soul in travail beholds the Great One; the instinctive recognition and surrender of the soul at the feet of its Master; the first tender touch of divine love that soothes the stricken heart.  My life was transformed.  Disburdened of cares, I rose refreshed, in the cool fragrance of compassionate grace.  Here was the answer to all my prayers-the Mother Divine Herself.

Before meeting Mother, in the throes of acute fear and despair, I had called and called, night and day, to Devi for succor.  Even in unconscious states of fever and delirium, the beautiful verses of Devi mahathmyam reverberated within me.  I never dreamt then that the great Mother-Devi had already embodied herself, on this earth, to grant my prayers and supplications.  From the moment of meeting Mother my worship was exclusively concentrated and consecrated to that single being.

A few days after, I was blessed with upadesh from Mother.  During the ceremony of initiation, I began to feel the vibrant force, and I sat emerged in the realms of wordless peace.  From that moment, the supramental plane began to be sensed in meditation, in the light of which parokshajnanam from the guru, that I am not the body but the immortal self, got significant illustration.  Mother revealed to me the practicability of the realisation of God through Grihastha Dharma.  Vitalizing her teachings was the exemplification of the ideals of her own dedicated life.  For performance of duties in a spirit of detachment, I drew requisite energy and inspiration from the sadhana prescribed by her.  Gradually, I found her sublime teachings merging and blending harmoniously in my life.

As I glance back over the years past, picture after picture comes.  Through personal experiences, I was guided to glimpse the fundamental truth of Mother’s incarnation; the paramount importance of the dual aspects of Mother as the eternal cosmic sakthy, fully manifesting the divine universal motherhood of God, and the equally important, immaculate role of the great teacher, the Satchidananda Guru.  This rare and glorious combination makes her the divine incomparable personality she is!

From ancient times, there has come to us legends of the lives of avathars of Ishwara.  Unfathomable is their greatness, their splendor indescribable, their countless manifestations bewildering.  Time passed, carrying with it into the dimness of the past, the warm memories of wondrous happenings, until they became faded legends and dreams.  But the great spirit never sleeps.  It bursts forth, from time to time, to fulfill cosmic needs.

Here, before us, is the entrancing and mystic life of Mother, the mysterious play and interplay of her cosmic force, the magic spell of her transcendental glories, transporting us from the shadows of the material world to realms of light and love.

In the trials of live, we have felt the poignant sweetness of love diffused from her divine motherhood.  In the transforming touch of that love, we were only conscious of one presence.  Vain thoughts were hushed; feelings stilled; self itself annihilated.  Love suffused everything.  Love alone was.

Again, the tender motherhood emerges in imperial majesty, the transformation is incredibly swift and complete.  Triumphant and supreme, the whole atmosphere, throbbing with cosmic energy, she compels abject surrender and worship.  We feel we are before one who sees all, knows all, does all, to whom the whole world and all its objects are just pawns on her mysterious chessboard!

At such moments, a glance of Mother had been enough, to dispel delusion, give clarity of mind or vision, and bestow even a sublime spiritual experience.  Flashing with illimitable force, her glance, would pierce to the core of the being, gathering and merging us in her cosmic consciousness!

We see Mother again in the pure, austere perfection of the Sadguru, who through initiation into the meaning of Mahavakya, imparts the knowledge of one’s true nature, who absolves and annihilates the bad tendencies, who infuses the spiritual impulse, and takes the full responsibility for the disciple, and guides him, step by step, to the supreme realisation of monistic oneness.

In the struggle of life and through the various obstacles that beset a sadhaka’s path, I realized the full value of Mother’s dynamic influence and unerring spiritual guidance.  I realized, that trials to the sadhaks become stepping stones to success.  The Sadguru ever impels the sadhaka to higher realizations, to explore subtler fields of experiences, until the sadhaka realizes the effulgent presence of the Sadguru within and becomes the perfect instrument to work the divine will.

In diverse ways the supreme guidance of Mother worked in my life.  Often in crucial moments, there flashed into my mind, Mother’s words, guiding me to tide over many a trial.  Only through direct experience can one realize the great significance and meaning underlying Mother’s words.  Each word becomes a vivid realisation.  Words uttered twelve years back as warning, advice or blessing, took shape, years later, and became light and guidance in my life.  My conduct is still being moulded by them!  They are golden letters ever shining before my vision!

Thus the path of light I traversed, guided and strengthened every moment.  I concentrated more and more on the sublime upadesh of Mother, the Mahavakya and its subtle meaning and great significance.  As time went by, there rose within me a consciousness of inner force that nothing could touch, taint or vanquish, that roused in me the discriminating power and the dauntless will, to cut away delusions that obstructed my path to reality.

“Thou hast taken every moment
of my life in Thine own hands,
In my life Thy will is ever taking shape.
In my heart is the endless play of Thy delight.”
-Tagore.

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