– Sri H.Narasimha Kamath
It is said that until such time as ordained by destiny the thirst for spirituality never comes to the worldly-minded. Truer than this is the fact that the recognition of the divinity in a human garb is impossible until the evil samskaras are completely purged off and the good karmas begin to fructify. This was found to be true in my case, for, even though endowed with inclination to spirituality from early life and was born in Mangalore, the sacred birthplace of Mother, I could not take refuge at the lotus feet for spiritual guidance until the year 1955.
Adversity in domestic life compelled me to turn to divine source for solace and comfort. I approached a number of sadhus but was utterly disappointed in my expectations. They could not relieve me from my distress. Repeated blows in life finally led me to sheer despondency and atheism.
Years rolled by. There was a persistant insatiable thirst for knowledge, for which I could not get any satisfactory explanation. Destiny played its role. A friend of mine from Bombay came to Mangalore in the year 1955 for the express purpose of darsan of Sadguru Sri Rama Devi. He called on me and sought my directions to her residence. I was surprised why my friend took the trouble of coming all the way from Bombay to see a person whom I have often seen from childhood and to whom I was not attracted. Yet in deference to his wish, I accompanied him and led him up to the entrance of Mother’s residence. I wanted to leave my friend there and come back but because of his persuasion I too went to the house along with my friend. It was the first time I saw Mother after a lapse of years and was attracted by the divine personality.
After an interval of time I had my first interview with Mother. This was the turning point in my life. She greeted me with a compassionate look and smile. As I sat in her presence I observed a change in the train of my thoughts. My restlessness subsided. A peace which I had not known so far stole into my mind. I felt elevated and thrilled. Waves of joy started rolling within me.
I gained a momentous experience even from this interview. From Mother I heard an illuminating discourse on spirituality which enlightened the dark regions of my mind. She explained to me in detail the mind and its activities and also the ways to control it. From her talk I was convinced of the possibility of the realization of the highest while remaining in the grahasthashrama. As a practical solution to the ills of life, she expounded karma yoga. She exphasised the necessity of constant self-awareness, shedding the sense of agency and enjoyment. As she started explaining the subtle truths of the Upanishads in the simplest language, the expression on her face underwent a radical change, her look became abstracted and to my surprise she suddenly withdrew herself into silence. So powerful, so dynamic was that silence, that it completely took possession of my mind. A strange experience came to me. All my doubts which had accumulated dwindled away.
There came upon me the intuitional certainty that the holy being sitting before me was the embodiment of perfection, the sadguru whom I have been searching for all these years. She appeared to me as the universal mother who has taken incarnation for the regeneration of the entire human race. After this interview I returned home a completely changed man.
In a profound mood of abstraction, I reached home. A few days hence, some mysterious power drew me to the presence of the Mother. It was the most memorable day in my life, the day of my initiation by Mother. The compassionate Mother bestowed her grace on me. It was then that I fully realized that Mother was verily the divine personified. There was a resplendent halo round her holy person. Initiation was an experience never to be forgotten. My mind soared up to an unknown region. A wonderful vision was vouchsafed which made me oblivious of myself and the surroundings for a long time.
After initiation Mother instructed me on the disciplines of spiritual life. The substance of her advice was as follows. ‘ This is a rebirth for you, the first stage in the transmutation of the life of senses into the life in spirit. This body will fall one day or other but you are the imperishable self, distinct from body, mind and intellect. Understand that the self is infinite and as such dwells equally in all. Therefore try to cultivate equal vision and to develop your love to all alike. God, guru and your inmost self are identical. Therefore enquire within Perform japa and meditation regularly. See divinity in your wife and children. Introducing spirituality into all walks of life you can convert your home into an abode of peace and blessedness. Life at home has a powerful influence on the entire society. Keep your mind always at peace. Never yield to anger. Anger is an offspring of ignorance. Constantly identify yourself with the self and keep a watch on your mental activities. Use your discrimination on all matters. Discharge your duties with detachment and devotion. Performance of your duties is index of your inner spiritual strength. Try to live in the world untainted by worldliness. Reflect on these instructions in your leisure hours and bring them into your daily life.’
Initiation introduced me to a regime of moderation in sensual enjoyment. I carried on my duties in an exaltation of spirit. Engrossed in my wonderful spiritual experience, sometimes I was totally oblivious of the world. One day I was on the brink of an accident which might have been fatal if the divine hands had not intervened. A city bus passed by me rubbing my shoulder. Suddenly I felt somebody pulling me aside. It was about 8 P.M. on a lonely road. When I looked around to find out who pulled me aside I found none near about except a woman of small stature proceeding slowly at a distance of about twenty-five yards. Thus I was saved by an unseen force which my wife spontaneously recognized to be that of Mother.
One morning at 5 A.M. while I was in my meditation I had a wonderful experience. I saw a vision of a bluish azure light which became brighter and brighter until atlast the beaming form of Mother appeared. Mother beckoned me to follow her. I followed and reached a region of resplendence and peace. The form of the Mother vanished. In the blissful experience I lost the consciousness of my body until 8 P.M when my son woke me up from the meditation. I treasure this experience in my recollections.
On the Ram Nam day the hall was packed to capacity with devotees and disciples. At the concluding ceremony Mother was in deep bhava samadhi. A beautiful flower, a lovely dalia was adorning Mother’s hair. My little daughter who was with me longed for it. She lisped her thought to me. Almost immediately, the flower gently dropped to the ground from Mother’s hair. This is symbolic to me of Mother’s universal love which responds to earnest prayers and even to the wish of a child.