– Smt. Sarojini Talwar (1961)
Although it might appear to some Mother had come suddenly into their lives, yet it is not truly so, if we ponder deeply. My humble opinion is that those who have got Mother’s contact unexpectedly and those lucky few whose lives have been changed from gross materialism to sublimity and divinity, have obtained it surely, as a result of their Tapascharya or penance of many births. To me, she did not appear suddenly. It was as if I was searching for her ever since I came to understand a little bit of this world. Only my long search and hankering after truth has brought me to the lotus feet. As the rushing torrents subside when they join the great ocean, so also my yearning after the unknown came to a culmination when I saw her.
She came to me and caressed and soothed me like a loving mother would her child. After I lost my only son, I started sadhana and satwic food. I gave up cinema and make-up. I observed strict timings for japa and meditation. In the evenings, I used to repeat Ramnam for some time.
It happened like this: Once my cousin who had come to Bombay told me: “O! Sister! In Mangalore, there is a lady who sings Ramnam and an unearthly sound like blowing the conch comes from her.” I was surprised. As my cousin was still a child, she could not give me an accurate description of Mother. Then, as time passed on, I forgot what I heard about her. Sadguru I wanted, who could give me Ramnam and furthermore, that guru should be a lady as I felt that it would not be proper for a pativrata to surrender to a man when she already had husband as her guru. So I continued praying.
In the year 1945 when I went to Mangalore, a relative seeing my devotion, talked to me about Mother, through whom she had got immense peace of mind and guidance, whom she described as Lord Sri Krishna in the garb of a lady. I again felt a desire to see her, but alas, I heard that she stayed in Tellicherry and came to Mangalore to her parents only once or twice in an year and that too, for a couple of days only. As good fortune would have it, within a few days, I received a message from that lady stating: “ Mother has come, so please come for darshan”. As the other ladies in our house were also interested, we all went one evening to see her. There I saw ladies gathered all anxiously waiting for her. After she came, everybody repeated Sri Ram Jaya Ram Jaya Jaya Ram. I joined them with devotion and wonder-with wonder because, I did not know till then, that in the world there were so many fervent devotees.
There I saw the sweet, loving and smiling face. Changing into divine bhavas, she moved in ecstasy. I wished that she should see me and touch me. Once she came very near me. At last, she advanced to the courtyard and we all followed. She stood underneath a tree just like Sri Krishna might have stood, playing his divine flute, and calling the gopis together round him. She then sang the song: “ Alage Krishna Ala ”. I was moved and felt that I was in Brindavana with the Lord and the gopikas and I did not want to move an inch from there.
I got another opportunity of visiting Mangalore in the year 1947. On this occasion, the desire for the guru was more intense so that I could have a darshan of Lord Rama and be free from agony of this world. As if in answer to my earnest prayer, Mother came to “Chandramma Memorial Hall” at Pentlandpet near my house. We were a bit late and the bhajan was already in progress. I could hear the unforgettable deep voice from the gate. We got places at the end of the hall, which was packed to capacity.
After the bhajan was over, we went near her. I was standing behind. My step-mother’s mother who was standing beside me, asked me to go forward and have blessing. I fell in surrender at Mother’s feet and all at once the emotional swell and the thirst for Rama’s darsan was awakened in me once again and it became so strong that I could not check my tears. I do not know how it happened but it must be due to the purifying touch of Mother’s divine feet. I, who am naturally shy, forgot my surroundings and started crying aloud for Rama’s darsan. So Mother had to sit down and soothe me. My late mother’s photo was hanging on the wall of the hall in front of us. Although I lost my earthly mother, yet I had a feeling that her spirit was still guiding me. I used to silently pray to that departed soul to protect and guide me. In front of that photo, on that day, it seemed to me, that my earthly mother was released from her responsibility and that divine mother had taken me into her protection.
The departed soul of my mother must have directed me towards the divine who became my real sole refuge. She blessed me. Putting her hand over my closed eyes, she said : “ See! here is your Rama ”.
At the gentle touch, I forgot my sorrows. The pangs of separation and the hankering for the divine darsan melted away. I got up and sat in front of her and stared into her divine beaming eyes, which were full of meaning, full of love, joy and solace. Peace and joy swept into me. I was happy because I got my Rama.