If God is indescribable, even more so is an avatar in the form of Sadguru in flesh and blood, for the human intellect is apt to mistake the apparent for the real. My first darshan of Mother was in the third week of September 1960 when she visited Mercara and stayed for a week in a devotee’s house. She arrived with party of devotees from Bombay, Kerala, Mangalore, Poona and other places. This was a Wednesday. I was not fortunate to be present when Mother arrived. I was very anxious to meet Mother, for I had just then finished reading that inspiring book “From Darkness to Light” written my Mrs. T.N. K. Nayar.
Having regretted very much for not being able to be present when she arrived, I ran up the next morning, to have the darsan. But I was disappointed to learn that she went into solitude and she was not giving darsan. I thought it was a punishment meted out to me for my indifference and just prostrated in front of the closed door of the room in which she was in solitude and came back. The next day also I went to pay my obeisance before the closed door and I was talking in a low tone to one of the disciples. The host ran up to me and whispered “Mother has just opened the door, you seem to be very lucky, come, run and have darsan, but do not talk as she is observing mouna (silence).” My joy new no bounds when I heard this. I thought within myself that Mother in her infinite compassion was even prepared to relax the self-imposed rigours of discipline which reflected only her divine nature and hurried to the door. What did I see and what did I do and what is the impression this incident left on my mind? I saw Mother just stepping out of the room and standing. She looked very much younger than her age. She was clad in spotless white, the external sign of internal purity; her hair neatly dressed and parted at the centre and formed into a knot at the nape of the neck and bedecked with flowers; no jewels on her person notwithstanding the fact that she is the life partner of a rich banker and landlord except the minimum ornaments of a Hindu lady consisting of an ordinary pair of ear-rings, a nose screw, two rows of black beads in the neck which must have their pendant mangala-sutra and glass bangles on the wrists-a synthesis of simplicity personified. Her gait was majestic, her appearance noble and dignified with a divine smile on the lips, a sparkling glow in the eyes radiant lustre on the bright complexioned face and the personality diffusing the atmosphere of peace, joy, purity and bliss all round. Before such majesty of the spirit even the mightiest king, the proudest marshals, the intellectual giant and the strongest gymnast would bow down, in reverence. I went down on my knees, mechanically, and my head touched the floor with folded hands, in surrender. I remained in that posture for a few minutes till the body came to its standing position as if ordered by an unseen power. My mind was still all the while. After finding myself in the standing position I felt blest by the Divine Mother. Mother was smiling.
During nights except on days of solitude the devotees and disciples of Mother used to sit before her till late hours and she used to narrate anecdotes of her sadhana-period showing how her sadhana was not coming in the way of her household duties, how she was able to blend together sadhana and household duties and how it is possible for a sadhaka to do sadhana and at the same time carry on the Grihastha dharma without conflict between them. These intimate talks gave an insight into Mother’s life which is an open book and to me appeared to provide the real guide to sadhakas. The obstacles and delicate situations which Mother had to face before she emerged with amazing success and which every sadhaka is bound to come across at sometime in some form or other and he or she, if already a sadhaka in fact must have already come across and found it difficult to get over.
The functions, public or private, started with invocation to Guru, Ganesha and Saraswathi ahead of the schedule. Then there was bhajans and lastly discourse. Mother would be very punctual. Bhajans, started early, would be going on before her arrival. After arrival she would at once join and lead the chorus. The bhajans used to be mostly on the Gitacharya-Sri Krishna or the Kodandapani Sri Ramachandra. The bhajans were sung to the accompaniment of instruments and Mother would play on cymbals (tala). Mother starts a bhajan song or Ramnam in medium tone, long rhythm with visible concentration on and devotion to, the deity to whom the song is addressed. Then gradually the pitch of the tone is raised and the rhythm shortened and simultaneously a proportionately increasing emotion is brought into play. These three factors on their bedrock of concentration and devotion are developed in such a beautiful way that the participants in the bhajans are simply carried step by step towards the deity to which the bhajan relates, till one can foresee the next stage, when Mother should lose and does lose body consciousness which is indicated by stopping the song and the play of cymbals and her gaze resting in the Broomadhya. Thereafter bhajan is continued by the devotees. Soon Mother would be seen getting up in ecstatic state and begin nrtya first in the bhava samadhi of the devotee (Radha if the song is on Sri Krishna or Hanuman if song is on Sri Rama), then in the bhava samadhi of Sri Krishna or Sri Rama – one with the invisible flute and silent notes, and the other with the invisible bow and arrow in the left hand and the abhayahastha-mudra in the right. The intermediate stages depicting the search of the lord by the devotee, the finding of the lord and merging in him or becoming one with him, particularly relating to Radha and Krishna, are so superbly displayed that the devotees participating in the bhajans and the keen spectators feel that they are face to face with Radha, Krishna, Hanuman and Rama. We were also fortunate to see Mother going into the bhava samadhis of Dakshinamurthy, Chamundeshwary and Parasakthi with the appropriate mudras. For those who participate in these
Soul-elevating bhajans, it is neither surprising to see Mother doing nrtya in bhava samadhis, nor is it strange to find themselves join Mother in that ecstatic and blissful state. For a sincere and earnest devotee those things must appear as matter of course.
When we approach Mother with an open and receptive mind and with faith we find she is a sweet and charming personality. Peace beams forth from her face. Joy overflows in her. Her spotless white apparel is but a reflection of her inner purity. Her ever green smiles are contagion of highest degree at the very sight of which their opposite take flight and vanish into thin air. In her is seen and felt the sublime combination of childlike simplicity and divine wisdom which is proclaimed to be the sine qua non of self-realisation. Her advice, spiritual instructions, talks and answers on spiritual matters are based on her personal experience and support in scripture. She equates God with love and she is love incarnate. The substance of her teaching and discourse may not be new. It may be as old as the Vedas. Some of us have heard the same from learned pandits with greater eloquence and yet we were not moved. But when we hear Mother, her words have the magic power of transforming us. Even her very presence is enough for the transformation to set in. The differences of caste, colour, creed, social status and official position begin to melt. We feel that we should know the other devotees and disciples of Mother. We talk to each other to know about our experiences in sadhana, after coming under the influence of Mother, and the progress we are making. We talk about Mother. We thus expand and a family feeling sets in between people, who had not known each other before meeting under the banner of Mother. We remind ourselves of the Mother’s teaching and begin to feel our oneness with all the devotees and disciples. We again remind ourselves of her teaching and begin to feel our oneness with the neighbours and all who come in contact with us. The ego in us gets thinner and thinner automatically. Who brings about all this? It is the Divine Mother.
– Sri Chinnaraya Reddy