Like many others of my generation, I drifted through life with no firm beliefs or settled convictions. I knew of only one reality, a world where men live, suffer and die. I was vaguely familiar with the teachings of the great religions of the world. But to me, it all sounded like “the brave music of the distant drum”.
During Mother’s visit to Trivandrum in 1953, I walked in casually one evening, when Mother was in the middle of a discourse. Her first words which fell into my ears where a direct answer to a doubt that was haunting me at the time. They illumined a dark corner in my mind. She had spoken out of context. Yet, I thought it was only a coincidence. Later I gathered, that many others had similar experiences; when Mother interrupted Her discourses in response to a tormented soul. This is perhaps the reason why Her discourses sometimes appeared to be a series of unconnected remarks. I now fancy that Her talks are a sally of the universal mind in the volley of innumerable questions of troubled spirits. But at that moment, I thought no further about it. Occasionally, I used to attend Her discourses for a short time and go away. I also had seen Her often in samadhi radiating ineffable peace. Yet, so dense was the fog that surrounded my mind, that they left no lasting impression on me.
More by accident than by design, I visited Mother’s home in Mangalore towards the close of 1955. Some devotees and disciples had also come the same day. All those who came to see Mother stayed under Her hospitable roof. A stranger yet to Mother’s ways, I was amazed when we were all received and treated like children coming to see their mother on a holiday. I saw something new, something loftier still than a mother’s love; a love with no trace of expectation of return. I felt the presence of divine love in its purest form.
During the four days we stayed there, Mother Herself attended to our comforts with meticulous care. She Herself looked into every detail. She would also talk to us again and again for hours together. She had only one subject – truth and its realization. Here was harmony between two worlds. Here was the highest wisdom mixed with a mother’s love.
We listened to a voice which carried a sense of inner authority. Mother’s message went straight into the heart with the force of an intimate personal impact. It is one thing to read books containing the wisdom of the past; another, to listen first hand to words of power coming direct from the depths of truth. It is one thing to have food hot from the oven; and another to feed on the faded food of yesterday.
Mother’s parting advice was to devote half an hour a day to the chanting of the divine name “Sree Ram Jaya Ram Jaya Jaya Ram”. Inspite of all that I had heard, it was hard enough for me even then to believe that the repetition of a name, however divine, would take one nearer to truth. But by this time, I was caught in the spell of Mother’s love of the loftiest kind. So, merely out of devotion for Her, I decided to carry out Her instructions. Here is perhaps a feeble illustration of Mother’s profound saying: “Devotion is the connecting link between action and knowledge”.
It is difficult to believe that a dark, apparently lifeless seed buried underground, would soon burst into a green shoot. It has to be seen to be believed. The power of a divine name taken from a divine Guru has to be experienced to be believed.
I soon discovered for myself that Mother was not merely imparting a name but also infusing a redeeming power that slowly vivifies the inner world.
I attended the entire session when Mother visited Madras in 1956. One morning Mother delivered an inspiring message in English, out of schedule. The words came with tremendous force and speed. This message had a strange fascination for me. The same evening, Mother went into deep samadhi in the middle of Her discourse. I had seen Her in samadhi many times before; but this time, I had an inner experience which is difficult to describe. The following words from “Pilgrim’s Progress” may convey some idea, though inadequate, of the experience:
“This made a strange seizure of the Spirit, it brought light with it and commanded a silence in my heart of all those tumultuous thoughts that before did use like masterless hell hounds to roar and bellow and make a tedious noise within me.”
Since then I missed no opportunity to attend the sessions from the beginning to end.
“Like unto those who in a rigorous winter draw near the fire, we go as often as we can to that ardent fire which warms the soul.”- W.James.
I had imagined that the path of spirituality was a dismal negation of life with a doubtful promise of ultimate peace and joy. So it amazed me when I saw that the very first fruit of spirituality is the disappearance of life’s monotony. A new enchantment is added like a gift to life. Every moment is charged with a sense of purpose. Every event assumes a new meaning. Slowly even misfortunes lose their sting. The darkness of evil changes by the pale morning light of another world.
I now firmly believe that in Mother’s life, the doctrine of divine descent finds affirmation anew. This not a blind belief. It is founded on experience. In fact, it was by listening to Mother’s messages that I discovered for the first time the difference between faith and credulousness, between devotion and sentimental effusiveness, between surrender and fatalism.
“Enter the path ! there spring the healing streams
Quenching all thirst there bloom the immortal flowers
Carpeting all the way with joy; there throng
Swiftest and sweetest hours.”
-Light of Asia.
– P.Parameswaran Nair