– Smt. P. K. Narayana Pillai
I solemnly believe that the Divine Mother an incarnation of God and as such transcends all human description-ineffable and attributeless. Ever since I had the good fortune to have her darsan at Trichur, some years ago, She has so captured my heart and permeated the whole of my inner being with her radiant sweetness, that even a momentary thought of her thrills me with inexpressible joy and happiness. It was not the angelic beauty of her corporal form, but the transcendental and changing bhavas during her ecstatic states, and the sparkle of joy in her eyes, the aura of cheer around her and the scent of purity emanating from her during her conscious states, that first attracted me towards her.
Readers would please excuse me, if I record here a few personal incidents in my life to show, how as a result of the impact of certain circumstances, I had the good fortune to come under the spiritual guidance of the Divine Mother.
I was born as the second daughter of my parents-a couple of very respectable social standing noted for their scholarship, religious fervor and piety. It is from them that as a child, I learnt the ancient scriptures and puranas and also imbibed the highest ideals of conduct. My mother used to recite to me stanzas from the Ramayana, Bhagavatham, Bhagavat Gita, etc, and thus though my education stopped at the level of the vernacular Primary school, I developed an admiration for our ancient heritage and culture and this has served me well in my later pursuits for the highest knowledge. And thus equipped, I had the good fortune to be married to a very great and renowned person, who though a lawyer, and subsequently a High Court judge, was admittedly the brightest luminary in the literary, social and political firmament of that time. After about 27 years of uninterrupted, happy married life he left me for his heavenly abode and the responsibility of looking after my little children fell entirely upon my shoulders. Of course my parents were alive and there were a large number of relatives and friends, to comfort me and give me courage, but the void left by my husband’s loss was too deep to be filled up in any way. At that time, I longed for some spiritual consolation. A palmist who had studied my palms had corroborated with a forecast in my horoscope, that the time was getting ripe for me to come into contact with a sadguru who would give me peace of mind and tranquility. I dreamt of this day and waited impatiently.
It was at that time that Thangam (wife of my only brother Sri T. N. K. Nayar) who was at Madras for treatment, wrote to me a very strange letter. This lady who was suffering for a long time from a severe nervous break down had gone to Madras for expert treatment. All physical methods of treatment were of no avail and ultimately the doctor who was himself a very religious man, suggested her to go and have a darsan of a divine lady at T. Nagar who was conducting daily Bhajans. The letter from Madras mentioned above contained her experiences which she has subsequently elaborated into a book “From Darkness Unto Light.”
I longed to see this divine lady. It was then that Thangam came from Madras and related to and others in the family, her strange personal experiences and how all her physical ailments had disappeared at the first interview with the divine lady. Some of her experiences thrilled me and made my hairs stand on end. Here I may take the privilege of recording that the first Bhajan praising the Glory of the Divine Mother ever to be conducted in Kerala was performed at my residence under the leadership of Thangam and all the members of the family took part in it. An incident that happened during this time is worth mentioning. One evening, when we were all assembled in the hall for Bhajan and when the little children were adorning Mother’s picture with fresh garlands, a strange sound like “Omkaram” was heard emanating from the picture. The children naturally got a little afraid and drew back, but the elders assembled there knew the deep significance of this that Mother’s Chaitanyam or sakti has been established in my house beyond doubt and that she has responded to our prayers.
Thus days passed on with Thangam’s discourses about Mother, during the day and regular Bhajans in the evening. The more I heard these, the greater became my longing to have a darsan of Mother. It was at that time that the marriage of one of my son’s with Thangam’s daughter was decided to be celebrated at Trichur. News also came that Mother was graciously consented to grace the occasion with her Divine presence. This added fire to my burning desire to see Mother.
At Trichur I had a darsan of Mother. She was sitting on a couch in an ecstatic mood. I was standing at a distance, benumbed as it were, fixing my gaze on the form in front of me. As mother was for a long time in that mood, I feasted my eyes to satiation. In the huge marriage pandal, the ceremony was conducted under the guidance of Mother. What a privilege I thought for my Son? After the function Mother again relapsed into a deep Samadhi, which lasted for a long time.
Still I had not the courage to go near Mother. If she asks something, what shall I say. During this time I was laid up with an attack of influenza for 2 days. My son and his wife were waiting to accompany me to Trivandrum.
Then came that crucial day in my life, the day on which I got spiritual initiation from Mother; ” Thiru Onam day in Chingam is the day on which according to the legends King Maha Bali came down to earth to bless the people. But I was actually blessed that day. My brother T. N. K. Nayar came to me and said that mother wanted to see me. There was nervousness and palpitation in me. My brother accompanied me to Mother’s presence. She was seated on a couch. The same radiant and inimitable smile was lit on her face and a wonderful glow emanated from her eyes. I prostrated before her and then stood up. Mother spoke with a smile. “Were you not well? You would be all right. Go and come to the pooja room after bath.” Then I understood what mother meant. She was going to initiate me in the spiritual path. All the while I was doubting whether Mother would ever give me initiation, because I was conscious of my limited equipment. Now Mother has seen through me and thought me fit to get a spark from her spiritual dynamo. This thought gave me courage. After a hurried bath I went to the pooja room where Mother was waiting for me. I prostrated before her. She asked me to sit down in front of her. She gently patted me over my shoulder. Immediately I felt overwhelmed and saw that the walls of the room and everything around me was whirling and vanishing. I felt a spiritual power tangibly emanating from her. She raised her hands in benediction over my head giving me instantly a vivid consciousness of an eminent presence. I realized that the whole universe was merged in that presence. That day I got a glimpse of the divine nature and power of the Guru. I was literally translated into a new life. The power she transmitted to me that day is still working within me.
Instances of the Divine grace of the Mother are very many to be recorded here; but one is worth mentioning. Some years ago my only son-in-law had a sudden attack of paralysis of the left leg. All kinds of native treatment were ineffective. A famous Brain specialist was consulted and he definitely said that a brain operation was necessary. So it was decided to have the operation done at Madras. Mother was at that time at Mangalore. We greatly desired to go to Mangalore and get her blessings, but as my son-in-law was not in a condition to undertake the journey, we decided to go to Madras directly. But to our great surprise and astonishment, when we reached the residence of Thangam at Trichur on our way to Madras, Mother was there!!! She had arrived there the previous evening without giving any previous notice at all. She blessed my son-in-law and gently rubbed his head with her hands and said that there was nothing to fear.
The operation day was fixed. At that time, I was at Trivandrum. All of us were very anxious. On the night previous to the operation day; I had a vision of Mother. I distinctly remember the sweet smile on her face. She consoled me and said that under her grace, the operation would be successfully performed. Next day afternoon I got a wire from Madras stating that the operation was successfully performed and that the patient was doing well. By Mother’s grace he is still active and working.
Whenever Mother comes to Trivandrum she resides in one of our houses and my sisters, children and myself have the privilege of serving her in our humble capacity. Her discourses and her ever present superconscious state, attract a large number of people of all classes and creeds, men and women, young and old, educated as well as illiterate.
The Bhakta Mandali, Trivandrum has erected a temple dedicated to Mother-Sri Rama Devi Mandiran-an attractive and imposing structure which is fortunately for me just in front of my residence. In spite of my advancing years and spinal deformity which sometimes gives me excruciating pain, I manage to go to the temple morning and evening and participate in all the special functions conducted there. Mother gives me the strength to walk. I am sure that had it not been for her infinite grace I would have been in bed long ago as an invalid. I again prostrate before the lotus feet of the Mother, always bearing in mind the following stanza:
“Dhyana moolam guror Murthi
Puja moolam guror Padam
Manthra moolam guror Vakyam
Moksha moolam guror Kripa”
“The form of the Guru is the root of meditation; the feet of the guru are the root of the worship; the teaching of the Guru is the root of all sacred syllables; and the grace of the Guru is the root of salvation.”